apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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