in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
