Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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