he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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