I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
