Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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