she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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