My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
