Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
