the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
