She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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