It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
