just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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