I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
