I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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