i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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