Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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