hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
