bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
