This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
