Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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