dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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