I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
