that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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