people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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