I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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