i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
