I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
