Whod you bang
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
