guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
