he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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