do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think my fart just growled at me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
