If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
