Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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