I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
