Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
