can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
