I faked an abortion last night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
