im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Of course I have a pirate flag
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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