So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
