Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
