You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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