erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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