u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
