Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
