thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
