saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
