I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i dont even know how to be here
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My bed smells like the plague
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