The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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