New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
