Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
