next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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